"Da Pope" squares off with "The Donald."

May the best man win.

The Resistant Grandmother…

Ed. note: Happy belated Mother’s Day to all moms, grandmoms, neighbor moms, dog and cat moms, and anyone thinking about being a mom or having had a mom. You represent the love, stability, care, intelligence, and everyday courage that Donald Trump both believes he can co-opt, and fears.

As is often the case, the posting reflects The Resistant Grandmother’s (TRG’s) imaginings of the thoughts and speech of Trump and members of his circle. It’s based on reading news accounts of the events mentioned, as well as a fiction-writer’s belief that especially in times of crisis, make-believe accounts may capture the essence of truth more keenly than non-fiction can.

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The setting: The 18th hole on Trump International Golf Course, a short distance from Mar-a-Lago. Trump fails to make an easy putt, gouging out a divot on the third try. “F-it,” Trump blurts, taking revenge on the course and the game with his divots and by not accounting for the three failed putts on his card.

Back in the residence, sweaty and tired, Trump scowls at each pro-Pope, celebratory headline staring up at him from the array of domestic and international papers laid out across the top of the fake Resolute in the fake Oval.

“God Blessed America!” raved Scotland’s Daily Record. “Let U.S. Pray,” quipped and urged the Irish Daily Mirror. “Yes, We Vatican,” punned Zurich’s The Blick suggesting Barack Obama’s Iconic “Yes We Can” slogan. And the Chicago Sun Times coined a new version of the meme memorialized in the iconic Saturday Night Live send ups on the Chicago Bears faithful with its banner, “Da Pope!”

F-, f- f-… Damn them! Those rags are really larding on the free publicity for this guy—a socialist from the South Side of Chicago who has used his access to Francis to score the pope’s job. The nerve! Just shows the Catholic Church’s bias for losers. They’ve just bought into the old saying that everyone loves a poor-man’s rag-to-riches story.
But a poor man becoming rich is the worst kind. The best—being born rich.

Here I am, a leader—with planes, bombs, tanks, and the fear people feel in my presence. Leo’s no leader! He’s got rosaries, church services, and so-called good works around the world. Not even a standing army, unless you count the Swiss Guards. Ha!

He’s also been trying to school me on leadership. Says great leaders should not be “proud,” but be of service to everyone, even them, helping the poor like Jesus did. It all makes me wanna puke.

Cud-chewing, cont’d
The first American pope and he’s gotta be some Chicago South Sider do-gooder socialist, not a good cardinal, like the New York’s Tim Dolon. But even Dolon got on my tail for being “disrespectful” by putting out that meme of me dressed in the pope outfit. I thought it was hilarious, but Dolon posted a warning not to “mock us.” Just shows, for all their problems, whenever there’s trouble the Catholics will circle the wagons and protect their own.

Of course, softy Leo is Pope Francis’s doing…never did like the guy, but had to play up to him to some extent to win the Catholic vote. Glad I followed my gut and used the funeral to diss him—showing up Macron and all those limp-wristed Europeans by chewing gum and refusing to wear black as they did. Gotta do whatcha gotta do to show who’s boss. Judging from the big play my tactics got during and after the funeral, I was right.

(Just then Melania enters dressed to the nines in formal wear) Hello, dah-ling, showing no sign of affection. I’m off to my “$Trump” crypto event, sveetheart. Too bad you’re not coming. You promised your donors unlimited access, remember?

TRUMP: Don, Jr. and Eric will be there…and (Stephen) Miller. All good at the glad-handing-while-exorting game, and great at working the crowd. After all, they’ve learned from the best…

MELANIA: Yes, and I’ve convinced Barron to make an appearance even though he hates getting dressed up.

TRUMP: Good. Gotta give him as much exposure as possible. He’s been a big help with this crypto thing. He keeps it up (chuckling menacingly), I may make him Treasury Secretary in a few years. So, no. I won’t be joining the crowd. Just need to get some things done tonight…

MELANIA: Work? That’s a first…

TRUMP: No sarcasm, remember? You promised this go round there’d be no sniping and no public score-settling. In exchange, no first lady responsibilities or special projects…with the exception of destroying the Jackie Kennedy Rose Garden, finishing the job now four years later by replacing it with a patio. Thanks for taking that on as one of your to-do’s…(https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/14/us/politics/mar-a-lago-trump-grass-rose-garden.html?searchResultPosition=2).

MELANIA: Can’t wait to get at it. (Laughing) Jackie will be rolling over in her gave when I get through with it. I want everything outside as stark, cold, and as devoid of life as possible. In fact, just like our marriage, wouldn’t you say, my dear?

(Looks at her Rolldex) Have to go! Wish me luck raking in more and more millions for your de-construction plans, dah-ling. (Blows kiss) See you, later. Ciao!

TRUMP (Half-waving) Yes, you’ll be great!

(He heaves a sign of relief at her departure. Now alone in the pretend Oval Office, Trump continues to rummage through the pile of papers.)

How do ya like that? The first American Pope and he doesn’t speak English on the balcony in his first appearance. Just Italian and Spanish. Waits til the next day’s Mass to speak English for the first time. Shows how you hate America, Popey. Shows the difference between you and me. You like the poor and their languages. I like the rich and to talk in our tongue…we’ll see who comes out ahead in this game.

Here’s Stephen!…
(Just then, a knock on the door disturbs his angry reverie.) “Hey, Mr. President. It’s Stephen, Stephen Miller. Got a sec?)
TRUMP: Sure, sure. C’mon in. (Miller enters dressed in a tux.)

TRUMP: I thought you were going to the crypto thing? We need you in there, Stephen. Gotta keep that money flowing, and you’re great at explaining all the things we’re doing to make them even richer and keep ‘em that way.

MILLER: Thank you so much, Mr. President. Yes, I’ll be joining them in a few minutes. Going in, guns blazing. Just as you said. (Looks down at the pope-headlined papers.) I see you’ve picked up on the danger this guy poses.
TRUMP: (Goes around and sits behind the Resolute; Miller sits in a chair in front.) Say more.

MILLER: Well, (picks up one of the papers) like you, I’ve been reading up on this Leo threat and thinking about what we can start doing to bring him down.

TRUMP: Love it. So…?

MILLER: Well, I’m sure you’ve read the blathering coverage that’s suggesting this man was picked for a purpose. Like he’s some kind of Chosen One to rebuke you and everything you…we…stand for. Where your great immigration policies have been removing scum from our great country, Leo calls for respect, understanding, and helping humanity flee from “tyranny.”

Where your leadership has brought fear and the order that comes from attracting great private money into government, he says leaders must be humble servants to those below them—collaborating, taking advice, and conversing as equals, no less. We know that’s bulls**t, but they’re seeing it as a battle between good and evil, a clash of the gods sort of thing. That’s why he’s got to be destroyed.
TRUMP: Go on…Where do we go from here?
MILLER: Well, two schools of thought…One is we come out hard, calling out his extreme policies for what they are, the ravings of a mad socialist. We must convince Catholics and all Americans “might always makes right,” and his ill-conceived policies will endanger them and so we must take the harshest measures we can to keep them safe.

They started it!
And remember, his side has already fired the first round. Did you catch his older brother John taking the first pot shot? (Taking a press clipping from his inner pocket and reading John Prevost’s statement): “I know he’s not happy with what’s going on with immigration. How far he’ll go with it, I don’t know. (But) I don’t think he’ll be the silent one” (9 may, the guardian.com). See what I mean? Probably some Vatican shill is already on the case. That statement deserves a response from our side—something quick, disrespectful, and superior. We need to send the signal he’ll get no respect from us with this extreme approach.
TRUMP: I agree, and don’t. I don’t want to tick off the Catholics. They voted for me almost three to one last time.

MILLER: What do you care, with all due respect? You won’t really be running again, even if we find the means to force you on the ballot. The election will be so compromised you won’t need to care what people think about anything you say and do.

TRUMP: I don’t know…is there an interim approach we could take that works up to something like that?
MILLER: Well, OK. Instead of scorching the earth at the start, we could begin by softening it. This means that before he says much of anything, we’ll start casually throwing out things verbally and on social media that mock his policies, without necessarily mentioning his name or title just yet.
TRUMP: Such as…?
MILLER: Well, this “servant leader” thing…The next time you solve a big problem, like ending the war in Gaza, you make mention of how tough the opposition was and that only playing hardball could get the job done. Then laugh at the notion of being Hamas’s “servant.”

Or when you’re negotiating across the table from Putin over ending the war in Ukraine, say being humble would get us laughed out of the room. “It takes a tough SOB to get the job done,” sort of thing.

Silent truths
Trump thinks silently, acknowledging only to the deepest recesses of himself that he hasn’t been able to bring peace to the Middle East or Ukraine, even though he promised to end both conflicts on Day 1. Instead, each hostility has festered, with America (himself) not doing anything material to end them.

The U.S. has allowed Netanyahu to bomb Gaza to ashes and the death count to climb. Same with Ukraine with the U.S. genuflecting to Putin with no concessions in sight. It’s been Zelensky, whom he hates, who’s been tough, and a humble servant to his brave Ukrainian fighters. Credit where credit’s due…though you won’t catch me saying that to him or anyone else.) Back from his trance, Trump ends his session with Miller this way….)

TRUMP: Good thinking, Steve. But we’ll start out slow, doing the mocking thing and messing up Leo every chance we get. By the time the two of us do find ourselves in the same room, he’ll be docile as a lamb because we’ve used everything at our disposal—lies, mockery, projection, money, and the power of the presidency—to diminish him…just like we do with all our other enemies. (Gets up from his desk) Bring me an outline tomorrow of the concepts we just talked about. Just make sure you keep it to less than a half-page, OK? Now go off and bring in some money!

MILLER: (Gets up, musters an unusually wide smile accompanied by a thumbs up, and leaves the room.)

TRUMP: After Miller leaves, Trump sits in front of the TV, scowling as he catches snippets of a day’s worth of protests continuing to rise up across the country—some of them now sporting signs in favor of the new Pope.

He enjoys watching the division and anger now wracking the U.S., spreading out now to even include some red states. He takes pride that his Draconian policies are ruining everything that’s been good about America since the beginning of the country’s history—our natural resources, expertise, love of country, and democratic values, all the while cementing divisions between a growing number of Americans who hate him versus those who do not.

“All because of me!” Trump bellows, raising up a celebratory fist that, like Musk’s, looks increasingly Nazi-adjacent. “We’ll see if our new rival gets anywhere with his ‘love one another’ dribble. After all, I’ve got the devil and Stephen Miller on my side.”

—trg

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