My summer 2022 parody of Trump's then newest lawyer, Alina Habba.

An oldie from The Resistant Grandmother's archives two years ago accurately captures the attorney who helped deliver Trump's $83M damages verdict in the second E. Jean Carroll trial.

Ed. note: The Resistant Grandmother (TRG) has a tendency to write long and in-depth. (You’ve noticed?) But not always, as the posting following this editor's note attests. 

The FBI “raid” at Mar-a-Lago in the summer of 2022 introduced many of us to a new, little-known Trump attorney who would since become a household name, Alina Habba. 

Not only well-known, but good copy! I and other writers soon saw the New Jersey barrister as a foil for every good attorney in the country because of her willingness to do and sacrifice anything – reputation (such as it was as a relatively unknown attorney), legal ethics, and likelihood of future employment – in the service of Donald Trump.  

Unfortunately for her and her client, Habba has just finished representing Trump in the most recent defamation case against the former president brought by New York writer E. Jean Carroll.  For all Trump and Habba’s theatrics — disrespecting the judge, jurors, and plaintiff’s attorneys; trying to relitigate the already-settled case against the judge’s explicit orders; and continuing to defame Ms. Carroll and the judge in and out of court — the seven men and two women of the jury found Trump liable for $83M in damages. 

So what does Habba do afterwards?  Make matters worse.  Soon after the smiling Carroll and her attorneys, linked arm in arm, left the courthouse, Ms. Habba emerged into the spotlight and proceeded to give the judge, jury, and American system of justice a piece of her mind. 

Apparently not liking a reporter’s question about whether she regrets taking the case, Habba answered in clenched jaw fashion: “Representing the former president was the proudest thing I could ever do!” Then the daughter of Iraqi immigrants who came here to escape Saddam Hussein’s threat to their lives and freedom assessed the American judicial system to be “corrupt,” one that was obviously stacked against the former president. She offered the example of Judge Lewis Kaplan’s not allowing the dress Carroll was wearing at the time of Trump’s assault as evidence of its unfairness. 

Similar to her courtroom appearances, Habba misrepresented the facts for the benefit of her client – and for the cameras. The truth is, Carroll and the Court were anticipating the dress would come into evidence, but Trump for three years refused to provide a DNA sample (15 feb 2023 the guardian). The Guardian added: “Analysis of DNA on the dress concluded it contained traces of an unknown man’s DNA.”  

At the 11th hour, Trump’s lawyers said he would submit to the DNA test.  But it was too late. The testing results wouldn’t get back in time, and the judge refused to delay the already scheduled April 2023 date.  TRG wonders if Trump waited that long so he could say he offered, knowing it would be too late, thus negating his need to take the test.  Now in front of the cameras, Habba would either knowingly or naively peddle Trump’s version of events to the press. 

Rumors that Trump has fired Habba have not been verified at the time of this writing. But given how the former president has gone through lawyers like a revolving door, it would not be surprising.  Nevertheless, Habba made headlines on her own in the last two days by charging that Judge Kaplan favored Carroll, skewing the court process in the writer’s favor.  Habba claimed that because Carroll’s lawyer Robbie Kaplan (no relation to the judge) and the judge had both served briefly in the same law firm in the 1990s – she as a junior associate and he as a senior partner – they had formed a close professional relationship affecting the trial’s proceedings.  Habba meekly backed off after Carroll’s attorney issued a blistering rebuttal.  Yet again, Habba looked incompetent: she made a claim she could not back up. 

Following is my posting from June of 2022 that parodies Trump and the then newest member of his legal team. It captures many things we’ve come to know about Habba, including her belligerence, tough talk, lead-with-her-chin defense posture even in the face of overwhelming evidence, and lack of understanding of the law.

The original posting follows directly below. It’s only about a two-three minute read.

– trg

A Trump "lawyer" criticizes the FBI's secret docs photo from Trump's office.

"Nothing to see here!" -- that's her motto.

The setting: Outside the Mar-a-Lago office of ex-president Donald Trump containing the now-famous workspace that happens to resemble the Resolute Desk from the Oval Office. A cousin and law partner of Trump attorney Alina Habba takes the microphone from her partner to continue an impromptu press conference. The goal: prove the FBI photo showing top secret documents found in and around Trump’s office is fake, an obvious ploy to take down still “president” Donald Trump.

TRUMP ATTORNEY: My name is Ima Habba-Habba, a partner in Ms. Habba’s New Jersey law firm. We’re representing the president in some trumped up New York tax charges case and other problems of, shall we say, a more personal nature…

REPORTER (interrupts): Isn’t your firm known primarily for representing a New Jersey parking garage?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: What’s it to ya, smart a**? I was the one talkin’, so keep your big yap shut.

REPORTER: (stays quiet for the moment to hear more)

TRUMP ATTORNEY: The first thing I wanna say is that that FBI pitcher showing all those so-called top secret files is bogus, phony—as fake they come! For one thing, Mr. Trum-, I mean, the president, is a very neat man. He would NEVER lay his stuff around that way.

REPORTER: (still holding back to hear more)

TRUMP ATTORNEY: I’ve personally seen the president take things out of his desk, but he’s always just walked away and left them on top, not on the floor!

REPORTER: But this was an evidence photo that situates the security files where they were found, next to the ex-president’s Mar-a-Lago office.

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Hey, mister…if I wanted your two cents, I woulda asked for it…So shut up!

REPORTER: Go on…

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Besides, when he has, from time to time, maybe left a few files on his desk his people would always come a couple a minutes later and put everything back, ship shape.

REPORTER (taking notes): Who are these “people”? Do you know their names?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Not all of them. But I know there’s an Ivan something, and his brother Sergei. And then their sister Olga…all nice, nice people who are always there to help the president however he needs.

REPORTER: And what exactly do they do with the files when they clean up?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: They just look through them to see where they should go back in the desk. I’ve seen them take a few pitchers to make a list of what kind of files they are…so they can make some folder tabs to store them neatly.

REPORTER: These are people on Trump’s payroll?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Oh, sure. At least I think so. They’ve been around for about a year and a half, since the president moved here permanently. They must work here; they always have plenty of money and are well dressed in their off time.

REPORTER: Have they been vetted?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: And what’s that, exactly?

REPORTER: Have they been checked out, verified as OK…no criminal activity, and so on…?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Well, it’s my understanding they’re recent immigrants to this country who came here for freedom. Mr. T-, the president, is a very generous man and wants to give new people to this country—the European kind, of course—a helping hand any way he can.

REPORTER: And nobody here is worried they could be spies?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Just what are you implying, mister?

REPORTER: That they’re working for a foreign government and funneling secret information to our enemies!

TRUMP ATTORNEY: You typical lame stream media shill! You and your kind are always wanting to think the worse of our leader. First of all, he has every right to keep these files. They’re his. And he can handle them however he wants…

REPORTER: No he can’t! Haven’t you ever heard of the 18 U.S.C.: 641?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Well, aren’t we getting all deep statey!

REPORTER: That’s the law that says these documents belong to the American people, not Trump. And you’re a lawyer?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Who says I’m not?

REPORTER: Where’d you go to law school?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: University of Phoenix.

REPORTER: They don’t have a law school.

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Well, it was someplace warm that has online classes.

REPORTER: Did you even pass the bar?

TRUMP ATTORNEY: Yes, it’s at the bottom of the stairs on the right.

REPORTER: You’re a phony and a fraud and should never be doing what you’re doing…

TRUMP ATTORNEY: And you’re an enemy of the state who needs to leave right now. SECURITY!!!

(Two men whose staff Mar-a-Lago name badges identify them as Ivan and Sergei approach, brandishing what looks like blackjacks. They drag the reporter who’s been asking all the questions out of the room.)

REPORTER being dragged: I’m filing my story this afternoon!

(Sergei clocks him with the blackjack)

TRUMP ATTORNEY (To Sergei): Thanks, doll.

(To everyone else): This concludes the presser. Now, where’s that bar?

—trg

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