Trump Girds for War (Gulp!)
The Resistant Grandmother (TRG) imagines what passes as planning for a possible attack on Iran.
The Resistant Grandmother (TRG)
The setting: President Donald Trump enters the Oval Office after hanging around workers installing a gigantic new flagpole in front of the White House, with another to follow on the South lawn tomorrow. Sweating profusely and flinging his MAGA hat on the floor for someone to pick up, he crows excitedly to no one, “You don’t even see the rope on that thing—it’s inside the pole! Unbelievable!”
Gabbard, meet doghouse
Just then, Chief of Staff Susie Wiles enters the Oval, apologizes for interrupting, but says “Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard is on the line, still trying to reach you. Very important call, Gabbard said. Can you take it?”
TRUMP: Oh, her again? Tell her hell, no—I’m busy. If she has anything to say, she can put it in another three-minute video on X like she did last week.…maybe it’ll be just like that nasty little screed claiming rich people are lobbying for a nuclear armageddon or some stupid-ass stuff like that (june 17 politico.com). It’d give me the second most perfect excuse for firing her on the spot.
WILES: She’s apologized for the June 10 video, Mr. President. She admits she made a mistake just trying to get your attention. Says she didn’t do it to throw cold water on your wanting to join Israel to bomb Iran’s uranium enrichment plant at Fordo. She thought she was reflecting your campaign promise to keep the U.S. out of costly foreign wars like Bush went into and Obama tried to avoid but didn’t abandon during his time.
TRUMP: I don’t care what she says anymore…
WILES (taken aback by the strong statement): But she’s your National Intelligence Director. Doesn’t she need to stay in the loop?
TRUMP: F, no. I hired her not to challenge me on anything. If I wanted that, I’d have hired a real intelligence expert. You can’t be both unqualified and go rogue on my team.
WILES: Yes, sir. I’ll tell her you’ll call her, not vice versa.
TRUMP: Good. Just let her twist slowly in the wind.
WILES: By the way, Mr. President, since Ms. Gabbard is apparently no longer in your inner national security circle, should she go forward with her commitment to brief the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, as scheduled? (june 18, axios.com).
TRUMP: And have her spread all those dumb ass opinions counter to mine? Hell no!
Help wanted: experience and competence
WILES: Yes, sir. I’ll call her off. How about convening the National Security Council (NSC)? Secretary Rubio would have to call a meeting since the as yet unfilled NSC director job remains open with Mike Waltz’s departure to the United Nations.
TRUMP: Well, right now Rubio’s meeting with the Norwegian Foreign Minister. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day…
No plan
WILES: I’ll coordinate with him, sir. And when I do, what shall I say about the agenda? Plotting the ramifications of aiding the Fordo bombing within a principled American foreign policy strategy? Determining America’s plan for further bombing? A blueprint for regime change? A discussion on how to avoid protracted involvement? Pentagon assessments on military readiness in all sectors? Planning on how we can offset any reprisal attacks on Americans there or at home once we destroy the fuel extractor? What inspection arrangements must transpire? To what extent should our allies be kept in the loop or even involved? And, most importantly, what is our
end game?
TRUMP: Huh?
Bibi and the bunker busters
(Just then, Wiles’ phone rings, displaying Benjamin Netanyahu’s name as caller.)
WILES: Hello, Mr. Prime Minister. (She looks over to signal it’s the Israeli leader.) Trump nods approvingly.
WILES TO NETANYAHU: Yes, Mr. Prime Minister. He’s right here. I’ll patch you through…
TRUMP (picks up the landline on The Resolute.) Hello, Bibi. Was thinking I’d hear from you again today. (Listening…) Uh-huh. Sure, I am. Haven’t you been reading my tweets?
(Laughs) Yes, that was my favorite, too.
With Netanyahu’s prodding, he repeats the Truth Social posting that both men voted as their favorite:
“We know exactly where the so-called Supreme Leader is hiding. He is an easy target, but is safe there. We are not going to take him out (kill), at least for now, But…we don’t want missiles shot at civilians, or American soldiers. Our attention is wearing thin. Thank you for your attention in this matter.
TRUMP: You get that? “Thank you for your attention…” just like some standard company memo ending, but it’s about bombs and missiles raining down on their country. You get the joke—right, Bibi. God, I had fun with that!
Glory hog
(As he listens to Netanyahu, Trump becomes more serious.) No, Bibi, I haven’t pulled the trigger yet, but I’m close. Have to give it some thought…No, it shouldn’t be long. I just want to say again that my involvement in the great attack on Iran last week, just like the attack itself, was simply spectacular (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/17/us/politics/trump-iran-israel-nuclear-talks.html?searchResultPosition=3).
It’s safe to say I’m leaning toward upping the ante by using our planes to drop the bunker busters down into that Fordo plant. Whoeee…can’t stop thinking about it. Yes, yes, right, Bibi. I’ll let you know soon…. (Hangs up).
Fox’s friend
Trump goes into the kitchen area off the Oval and clicks on the television to a Fox three-hosts-on-a-couch discussion. The consensus: It should be go-time in old Iran. The regime change—get those sick warmongers out of there! Revenge Iran’s 1979 taking of American hostages! Get revenge for all the havoc they’ve caused in the Middle East!
(Trump smiles.) “I get down on my Fox friends sometimes, but I have to say they’ve been great at stoking up this attack-Iran thing. Can always be counted on to rattle their swords…(chuckling) except when a Democrat’s in office.” (He flicks off the TV.)
Trump returns to the Oval and calls Wiles on the intercom.
TRUMP: Susie, don’t bother to round up the National Security team. I think I’ve made
my decision.
WILES: Sure thing, Mr. President. By the way, your friend Laura Loomer called. She’d like to share her thoughts on whether or not to kill the Ayatollah. Can she call you later?
TRUMP: Oh sure. Tell her I’ll be free in about an hour (june 2, wired).
Losing track
WILES: Of course. A few reporters are here and want to ask you some general questions about America’s war footing. Can you spare a few minutes?
TRUMP: Sure, send them in.
(Reporters enter. Trump sits behind The Resolute desk.)
REPORTER: What’s the reason for an impending war with Iran?
TRUMP: A lot of wars there’s been no reason for. (Looking up at a copy of the Declaration of Independence, he says:) You look right up there you see a copy of the Declaration of Independence and I say, I wonder if you, the Civil War always seemed to me maybe that could have been solved without losing 600,000 plus people….(sic).
Soon reporters exit the Oval, leaving Donald Trump alone. He again looks up at the Declaration of Independence of 1776, still conflating it with the Civil War 85 years later. Meanwhile, the bulk of Americans who do understand the sequence of the Revolutionary War of 1775-1783 versus the Civil War of 1861-1865 must await his choice.
—trg
Who I write for…
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